4am jan. 21, 2012


my first snow in new york is falling outside my window. despite my lack of sleep last night i stayed up in anticipation....hoping the weather sites wouldn't mislead me. i don't expect there to be much accumulation, and it will probably all melt tomorrow but i LOVE the first snow of the season. actually to be fair, i just love snow......snow trickling......or snow plummeting from the sky. it all makes me giddy. 


only a handful of people saw the joy on my face two years ago when it started snowing in lexington, ky, where i was living at the time. the sheer happiness of simple flurries landing on my face after living almost six years in a land with virtually no winter. everything felt so perfect at that moment. because, to me, the quiet...the stillness....it makes everything seem new and possible.


the last 9 months of my life i've been living as a gypsy, never really landing anywhere longer than 6 weeks. and during that time i would find myself remembering where i was just 3 months before, or 6 months, or now even a year ago....where my life had taken me. i do believe there was snow a year ago. i was recovering from a tonsillectomy...sensing there was a stranger in my life. a stranger who was lucky enough to be loved by me. my gypsy-hood began a few months later once the fears had been confirmed. through it all i've been supported by the most amazing community of friends and family. and while the universe seems to be having a bit of fun with me over these months, i'm learning to laugh along with it, let go and soak in the moments.


i officially moved to brooklyn two weeks ago. my amazing brother pavel drove out with me and my cat. pavel, my new roommate adam and my friend ryan helped move the boxes and the couch.....my beautiful couch....it put up a fight, but we won. the wall took a couple hits for the team, but it will get fixed eventually. even with my stuff here i still have trouble feeling that i'm in new york. but the more i venture out of the house, onto the subway, and mix with this melting pot, i feel the realness of the move and the city. i think it's going to be a good fit. 


who knows where my life will be in a year.....two years....five years.....i do know that while i miss my friends dearly, this moment is a huge improvement on last year. and it will keep getting better.....even if there's pain, and there will be, there will always be just as much love to balance it out and to build on.


as i ventured outside in my pajamas and boots to feel the snow land on my face, a man was dusting off his car a little farther down the block. he was blasting boys II men out of his car stereo. i couldn't help but laugh at the choice of artist (who i do love AND they were the first cd i ever owned). it also tickled me that the particular song choice was 'it's so hard to say goodbye to yesterday'. and while the main point of the song doesn't necessarily apply to my life, i will take these lyrics:


I don't know where this road
Is going to lead
All I know is where we've been
And what we've been through.



a new chapter has officially started, not just for me, but for everyone who has a connection to my life and this beginning. you've all been with me up to this point and i am eternally grateful. thank you for being a part of my story....past, present, and future....i can sense it will be memorable and amazing.

1:41am     sunday     january 1    2012

2011 has officially passed according to our calendaring system. to say this has been a year of transition for me would be a bit of an understatement. and while i've had many low points, i'm thankful to my parents for raising me with an awareness of the bigger picture, and thankful to my friends for being there whenever i needed them. 

i wish that a simple turning of the clock, to a new day and a new year would automatically mean an easier start. an official cleaning of the baggage. it's never that simple though. even another move, a new beginning, an exciting chapter won't instantaneously wipe away the tears and anger. i wish i could say i've learned all my lessons from the past 12 months. but that wouldn't be true. one of these lessons would have been put up more walls and trust less. and yet even in this last week i haven't been able to do that. it may result in more pain, but i'm not sure how to turn that part of myself off. because that's also the part that believes the universe is an amazing place and things will work out. 

i rang in this new year as i have many of them, by myself. well, my cat joined me this year too. it was rather uneventful. we sat together and watched a movie. i always long for some fantastic celebration. something to believe is just a hint of the upcoming year's fantasticalness. that's never the way it seems to work out. i guess that's because this one night a year can't be a guarantee of a new beginning for everyone out there. just like blowing out the candles on your cake won't grant you that wish. while there's never a guarantee for anything, there's a strength, a base, that the love and prosperity comes from and it doesn't appear from a bang or the dropping of a clock. and it certainly never grows from a whimper. i'm going to liken it to a tortoise. that slow and steady trooper who keeps going and shows up. 

so like the tortoise, i have set my goals. they may not be accomplished in the upcoming year, but i plan to get closer to them.

i want to be happy through and through. i want to be at peace with the things i can't change, but passionate and stubborn enough to change the things i can. and i want to be appreciated and respected in every way i deserve. 

i'm going to work every day, even if it's a tiny bit, to win this race because none of this is going to be easy, and maybe it should't be. and while i personally can't change anyone else, i hope people have the strength to show up for this too.

i'll be there.

a bit missing

i haven't truly felt like my true self for a long time. not even sure when that part of me disappeared. but i'm looking forward to meeting her again and see how she's changed since we were last together.

my previous post was upbeat, and although there was much optimism there, i still don't think i was truly in that moment. i've been struggling a lot with living in the moment recently. my head is full of sadness and anxieties, yet i've been surrounded by so many incredible people and friends for over a month now.

i think about my family constantly, and admire my parents in ways they will never know. i dream that someday i may find even half of what they have found with each other. it's absolutely incredible. and on top of that, they have been huge inspirations and close friends of mine my entire life. i don't know how i got so lucky.

traveling around and feeling the love of friends and family has been much needed, but a reminder that i'm not the complete person they have known for so many years. and it's frustrating knowing how many new people have crossed my path recently, but haven't caught a glimpse of everything that makes me shine........a glimpse of the real superkate......

so i sit back.....check my email......read a book......disappear into music.....make another attempt at a full night's sleep.....and patiently wait for the dust to settle so that i may see a familiar face in the mirror again.....feel that energy inside that makes me, and isn't easily tossed to the side by others. i miss her. but i can feel she's going to blow me away as much as she will everyone else.

New Possibilities

I've been moving in several different directions, both mentally and physically, over the last few months. I'm getting to know myself again in a way that only happens when everything gets tossed in the air. At the moment, I don't have a solid plan past mid-September. And while I'm very excited about that, I'm battling the urge to nest. I've always felt very confident in the ebb and flow of life as long as I had, what I considered, home to go to at the end of the day.

I'm currently living in someone else's apartment, and due to the amount of stuff already here, I won't be adding much of my life to it. And please don't think I'm complaining, because I'm not. I'm learning to live with very few belongings. This practice of minimalism has recharged my desire to do away with everything in my storage unit.

New York City has never really called to me. I've had a couple opportunities to move here, but ended up choosing other cities or passions. I wonder if I was supposed to experience those things first, because eventually life would lead me to NYC for a longer haul. I have many expectations of this city. Living in Los Angeles, spoiled me in ways that NYC hasn't been able to compete with yet. Granted....I've only been here a week and a half, sans my boss, so I haven't really dug into the scene. I'll be back here in a week and plan to explore.....visit some parks, museums, make several more attempts at finding a good club.

I'm also making more progress in saying 'Yes'. And while I've had a pretty good attitude towards that practice most of my life, I want more. My friend Tiffanie wrote a wonderful blog that comes very close to where I'm at in my life right now.

http://tiffanie-moment-by-moment.blogspot.com/2011/07/alive.html

To go along with 'Yes', I'm pushing myself in more creative directions. I catch myself saying "These are such simple things, Kate, why haven't you done this before?" And honestly, the best answer I have is that I was just lazy. I'm taking the time to journal, doodle, sketch items I see just to practice the art of drawing, and learning new instruments. I started with the ukulele a few months ago, and just recently started on the guitar. I've struggled with the guitar in the past because the transition from violin was a new skill for my hands. But thanks to a friend, who is a great teacher, I've learned an easier way to hold the guitar, and how to read guitar tabs. He also taught me "Blackbird". I practice it everyday. I struggle with the picking on the strings, but you can definitely tell what song I'm playing. Not sure what song to tackle next. I have a real sense of accomplishment that I haven't felt for a while, and it's exciting. I had thought for the longest time that my fingers just weren't meant to play a guitar for some strange reason, but that excuse doesn't hold up when you see a string of Chinese kids, all of whom are likely 5 years old, playing full-size guitars. The first few days I was learning to play on a smaller guitar, but today I practiced on a full-size. New learning curve, but I'm ready for it.

There is so much possibility ahead. I must remember to stay in the moment. I can't help but get excited about what may happen, but some of those are dreams......dreams that will come true, some that won't...but in the end, more dreams and opportunities will appear and the cycle will repeat.

I will say YES more often. I will embrace vulnerability.

It's going to be amazing.

Back to blogging??

It's been over a year since my last entry. Several things have changed since then. I'm not sure what to get into at the moment, but I've been feeling a strong urge to write in the last few weeks.

I've never been one to write about my life, I'm more of a talker. I started writing my own version of morning pages and feel a difference on the days when I wake up too late to unload my thoughts on the paper. Although most of my thoughts revolve around my own daily frustrations and how I'd like to change my life, it's a small weight off my shoulders when I can drop some of them into a notebook.

I don't plan on this blog being an emotional dumping ground (although it helped me to do that in the past). I would just like to start documenting moments in my life. This journey through life has taken some interesting turns, and sometimes the lessons have been hard. But I feel very fortunate to be able to learn from my mistakes and have really enjoyed the ridiculousness of it all.

SuperKate's Next Show

Malice Dreaming Productions presents:


Winterbourne

: a stream or river that is dry through the summer months :

.....dance celebrating the season of Winter-related storylines............

at Studio A Dance
2306 Hyperion Ave
Los Angeles, CA 90027

Friday, January 29th

Show repeats twice in one night:
1st show at 8:00pm
2nd show at 10:00pm

This is a donation-based advance ticket only show. This is my seasonal gift to you, dance lovers and patrons!

Donations must be forwarded via Paypal by using the button at the website: www.malicedreaming.com/news.html

Detailed information on how this all works also found at the website.

The deadline for donations to be submitted is THURSDAY, Jan 28th at 11:00pm
Any donations received after this deadline will not be recorded at the door list that will be at the venue where you will be admitted to the show.

No exceptions, no refunds!

I am limiting the ticket sales to 40 seats per show. This is less than the venue's regular capacity, but I want to make this a more personal show, and have a more spacious, comfortable environment for you as the audience. This could, however, result in tickets for shows becoming sold out sooner!

Don't wait - reserve your space today!!

A New Step

I've been sitting at my computer, trying to figure out how to break this news. Unfortunately there's no easy way to say it. At the end of September, I will be moving to Lexington, KY. This transition is full of mixed emotions for me. I have made so many friends and connections since I moved to Los Angeles. It's hard to believe it's only been five years. I feel I've known many of you much longer than that. And I feel very confident knowing these relationships will continue for many years to come.
While my permanent address may be in Lexington for the next couple years, I will still be traveling around. I'm already scheduled to perform in shows and workshops around the U.S.

Belly Horror ---- October 23 & 24 ---- Washington D.C. www.bellyhorror.com

Subee Djinn Workshop ---- February 6 ---- Oasis Dance Studio, Highland, CA www.oasisdancestudio.net

I will be selling a variety of items on Craigs List. Most of these are going to be pieces of furniture. I'll try to post links as I list them. I'm selling things to raise money for the move. If you would like to donate to my moving fund, you can Paypal me at poindex9@hotmail.com.

I cannot express how much I've enjoyed the last few years here in LA. This city and the people in it have touched me more than I ever expected. Thank you.

Silas's New Planet

Planet Pluchy (ploo-shee)

Size: 2 million suns large
Galaxy: Orion Arm (not in the Milky Way)
Inhabitants: Giant Flying Fish Creatures
Surface: Ocean
Weather: Constant hurricanes (that the fish really like)

Pluchy is so large that stars actually orbit around it without being pulled into the planet.

Constant daytime due to the stars that revolve around the planet, but the hurricanes block out most of the light. So the average temperature on Pluchy is 65 degrees fahrenheit.

The Giant Flying Fish Creatures (which is their name) are as big as a whale shark. They're dark blue and extremely dangerous. They have 600 teeth. The head and torso are like a fish, with the fins having a wingspan of 120 feet. They have a lower body like that of a squid with the addition of a tail.



This new discovery is brought to you by Silas on June 9, 2009. Hopefully we'll have picture documentation soon.

One of these days I'll write about the absolute beauty of Sciamachy. And I'll write more about my upcoming ideas.
Until then, here's the info on my next show!!!