Thursday, December 1, 2011

a bit missing

i haven't truly felt like my true self for a long time. not even sure when that part of me disappeared. but i'm looking forward to meeting her again and see how she's changed since we were last together.

my previous post was upbeat, and although there was much optimism there, i still don't think i was truly in that moment. i've been struggling a lot with living in the moment recently. my head is full of sadness and anxieties, yet i've been surrounded by so many incredible people and friends for over a month now.

i think about my family constantly, and admire my parents in ways they will never know. i dream that someday i may find even half of what they have found with each other. it's absolutely incredible. and on top of that, they have been huge inspirations and close friends of mine my entire life. i don't know how i got so lucky.

traveling around and feeling the love of friends and family has been much needed, but a reminder that i'm not the complete person they have known for so many years. and it's frustrating knowing how many new people have crossed my path recently, but haven't caught a glimpse of everything that makes me shine........a glimpse of the real superkate......

so i sit back.....check my email......read a book......disappear into music.....make another attempt at a full night's sleep.....and patiently wait for the dust to settle so that i may see a familiar face in the mirror again.....feel that energy inside that makes me, and isn't easily tossed to the side by others. i miss her. but i can feel she's going to blow me away as much as she will everyone else.

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