4am jan. 21, 2012


my first snow in new york is falling outside my window. despite my lack of sleep last night i stayed up in anticipation....hoping the weather sites wouldn't mislead me. i don't expect there to be much accumulation, and it will probably all melt tomorrow but i LOVE the first snow of the season. actually to be fair, i just love snow......snow trickling......or snow plummeting from the sky. it all makes me giddy. 


only a handful of people saw the joy on my face two years ago when it started snowing in lexington, ky, where i was living at the time. the sheer happiness of simple flurries landing on my face after living almost six years in a land with virtually no winter. everything felt so perfect at that moment. because, to me, the quiet...the stillness....it makes everything seem new and possible.


the last 9 months of my life i've been living as a gypsy, never really landing anywhere longer than 6 weeks. and during that time i would find myself remembering where i was just 3 months before, or 6 months, or now even a year ago....where my life had taken me. i do believe there was snow a year ago. i was recovering from a tonsillectomy...sensing there was a stranger in my life. a stranger who was lucky enough to be loved by me. my gypsy-hood began a few months later once the fears had been confirmed. through it all i've been supported by the most amazing community of friends and family. and while the universe seems to be having a bit of fun with me over these months, i'm learning to laugh along with it, let go and soak in the moments.


i officially moved to brooklyn two weeks ago. my amazing brother pavel drove out with me and my cat. pavel, my new roommate adam and my friend ryan helped move the boxes and the couch.....my beautiful couch....it put up a fight, but we won. the wall took a couple hits for the team, but it will get fixed eventually. even with my stuff here i still have trouble feeling that i'm in new york. but the more i venture out of the house, onto the subway, and mix with this melting pot, i feel the realness of the move and the city. i think it's going to be a good fit. 


who knows where my life will be in a year.....two years....five years.....i do know that while i miss my friends dearly, this moment is a huge improvement on last year. and it will keep getting better.....even if there's pain, and there will be, there will always be just as much love to balance it out and to build on.


as i ventured outside in my pajamas and boots to feel the snow land on my face, a man was dusting off his car a little farther down the block. he was blasting boys II men out of his car stereo. i couldn't help but laugh at the choice of artist (who i do love AND they were the first cd i ever owned). it also tickled me that the particular song choice was 'it's so hard to say goodbye to yesterday'. and while the main point of the song doesn't necessarily apply to my life, i will take these lyrics:


I don't know where this road
Is going to lead
All I know is where we've been
And what we've been through.



a new chapter has officially started, not just for me, but for everyone who has a connection to my life and this beginning. you've all been with me up to this point and i am eternally grateful. thank you for being a part of my story....past, present, and future....i can sense it will be memorable and amazing.